Archive for May, 2010

Pattaya Videos

Monday, May 24th, 2010 at 5:23 pm  
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How to Find Free Internet Providers in Asia

Sunday, May 23rd, 2010 at 3:28 pm  
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One of the dilemma facing regular travelers is finding a quick solution to the common problem of where to find free internet providers throughout Asia or anywhere else.

While it might be OK to just go out and buy the local 3G wireless USB if you intend staying for some time,  going to the expense of doing do for a short stopover makes no sense.

As a frequent traveler myself I’ve often been faced with the dilemma and while there’s a  reasonable chance of finding an internet cafe within walking distance of most hotels in major cites, if you can’t speak the language it’s not just a matter of asking the closest person who appears to be a local, which way to go.

It’s a question I’m regularly asked so I’ve done a little digging around and come up with a very useful directory which will show not only exactly where to find free internet providers throughout Asia but also anywhere in the world you might be.

Of course there’s always the possibility that the location you find will have it’s faults such as a dysfunctional or slow machine but once having found one location by using the directory, you can use it again on that machine to find another location. Just save the URL in one of your email folders.

Find Free Internet Providers in Thailand

Pattaya Guide for Old Guys

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010 at 6:16 pm  
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Anyone searching the Internet for information on Pattaya will be inundated by more than a million websites extolling the virtues of this exciting and vibrant city.  They will read more than they ever wanted to know about the property bargains to be had, the sights and temples to be seen, the beaches to be visited and the ‘family entertainment’ to be experienced.  Anybody requiring more down to earth, factual information will be forced to surf the underground sites and Blogs written by people who have actually been here or live here and have no financial interest in extolling Pattaya’s many virtues.  That is, those sites and blogs that have not been closed down or blocked by democratic governments exercising their right to keep ‘unhealthy’ information and personal opinions hidden from the masses ‘for their own protection’.  (I just love governments who defend censorship on the grounds of ‘protecting the people’.)

I would recommend intending visitors read the fantastic book Money Number One which tells Pattaya like it is in a very humorous way, but I can’t because that would provoke accusations of incredible bias on my part.  Instead, I will offer some further advice to male visitors; those who are not interested in the beaches, temples and family fun parks.  This advice will be for the more mature gentlemen; those whose age suggests that, in terms of average life expectancy, they are perhaps closer to death than birth.

First of all guys, you have to prepare for your trip to Pattaya well in advance.  Six months before departing your homeland you must let your hair grow, no matter how much or how little you have left on your head.  By the time you catch the taxi to the airport it should be long enough to be formed into a ponytail jutting from the centre of the back of your head.  It does not matter if the front and top of your scalp looks like a bowling ball as long as you have two or three strands from the sides long enough to form a ponytail held in place with a rubber band (very ‘pleb’) or a gold-embossed hair tie (very ‘in’).

Next, you have to go out and buy a selection of new shirts.  They must be very colourful or ‘loud’ and made from silk or a similar-looking synthetic material.  Whatever the material, they must shine and preferably ‘glow’ under UV light.  These shirts can be long or short sleeve but try them on before leaving the shop to ensure they are body-hugging.  Then, when you get them home, carefully remove the top four buttons.  This is necessary to expose your hairy chest to an infatuated crowd whose attention has already been drawn to you by the shirt.  If you don’t have a hairy chest then I’m afraid you will have to find some way of getting one.

You will then need to purchase some body adornments.  There is no way out of it; these adornments must be gold.  Silver, stainless steel or even platinum will just not cut it.  May I suggest you start with a long and very chunky gold chain draped around your neck.  With or without a medallion or pendant attached, this chain will attract onlookers to your hairy and sexy chest.  Wearing two chains, one short and one long, is also effective.  Don’t wear a wristwatch unless it is an expensive brand.  You should buy a chunky, gold, manly bracelet which can be worn on the right wrist (if wearing a watch) or either wrist if you decide against a watch.  Before you start complaining about the expense of this jewellery, I’ll let you in on a little secret.  It only has to look gold, it doesn’t have to be solid gold.  Gold plated chains and bracelets are not expensive and are fine for the limited duration of your stay in Pattaya as long as they look the part.  After a few weeks the one or two micron gold plating will wear off and your ruse will be exposed, so be warned.  The watch too can be a copy, as long as it is a good copy.

Ear piercing is essential.  The minimum requirement is one earring or stud in one ear.  If you choose a ring it must be gold while a stud must contain a diamond (cubic zirconia).  The choice of which ear to pierce is critical: the left ear means you are a major heterosexual chick magnet but the right ear could give the impression you are gay.  Two earrings in the one ear is acceptable but if you want one earring in each ear they must be as large as a 10 baht coin to give you that swashbuckling Errol Flynn look.

A few months before leaving your home, beg steal or borrow CD’s or DVD’s of the latest Rap and Hip Hop garbage – sorry, tunes – from the US.  If your stomach and ears can stand it, spend a few hours each day listening to this rubbish – sorry, music – while learning the words to some of the more popular tracks and the names of the ‘cooler’ artists; eg. ‘Hammer’, ‘Scum Bag’, ‘Spanner’, ‘Foul Mouth Freddie’, ‘Saw’ etc.  The good news is you don’t have to be able to sing to appreciate Rap and Hip Hop!  In fact, the ability to carry a tune is a clear disadvantage.

Once you’ve arrived safely in Pattaya the discos will be your avenue to stud-dom.  That means that as well as mastering the latest music fashion, you will need to feign a few of the latest dance steps.  When you strut out onto that dance floor dressed as described above you will be the centre of so much attention it would turn John Travolta green with envy.  If you have learned to break dance as well, you will have more adoring young women falling about you than bees around a honey pot.

Oh, I almost forgot; to make all this work you will have to bring lots of money!

Your Feedback Here

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010 at 3:51 pm  
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If you’d like to make a comment on anything at all to do with Thailand or leave some feedback on the books or any other product found on this site, could you please do so here.

Some of the best comments we’ve had over the years have come from the girlfriends of readers so don’t be shy ladies.

If you can’t read and write English very well, just ask your boyfriend to write what you think.

Have some fun and get your thoughts on the internet.

Why Only Digital?

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010 at 11:03 am  
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One of the most frequent questions I’m asked is : Why the books are only available in digital form on this site?

While there are several reasons for that, the main one is the unreliability of postage in and out of Thailand.

Unless you are willing to pay for registered post, there is the very real possibility that your posted item will become “lost in the Mail”.

Now I’m not suggesting for one moment that there could be the further possibility of there being dishonesty or corruption within the ranks of the Thai Postal Service or anywhere else in Thai authority, but in my personal experience I’ve found that posting anything into or out of Thailand is at best risky if the item has little or no use to Thai postal workers however, if there is the hint of a little extra pocket money involved then the risk becomes far greater.

I remember when I first started visiting Thailand quite a few years ago, sending a birthday card from Australia to my then Thai girlfriend, in which I had enclosed 5 thousand baht.

I’d neatly folded the 5 notes and put them inside the card as a little gift for her to give to her dear old mother to have the buffalo’s leg stitched back on.

It seemed that the poor creature was idly meandering across the main street of her village somewhere north of Pakdatbong, when it was run over by a ten year old monk on a bicycle with no tyres, severing it’s rear leg completely.  (Well that’s what she told me anyway)

At the time I thought it was a little strange as I wasn’t aware that Thai vets had any training facilities available for the teaching of micro surgery but…I was also absolutely sure that my little “teerak” would not dream of being dishonest with me.

So I sent the money in good faith with the instruction that since the buffalo’s “leg job” would cost 2 thousand, she could buy herself a little something to comfort her aching heart (because of my absence) with the other 3 thousand.

During the following 4 weeks or so when I would dutifully call her 2-3 times per week each time my phone would ring twice and then stop, (which was her “secret way” of communicating to me that she was missing me so much) she would always ask me several times if I was one hundred percent sure I’d send the money…..er birthday card.

Finally after nearly 5 weeks when my phone rang the statutory 2 times one Friday evening, it seemed to do so with a definite note of acclaimed urgency and alarm tinged with strains of disapproval.

On calling her, intermingled with the sobs of bitter disappointment and accusation, I was able to determine that the fabled envelope had turned up about 5 minutes ago complete with card but alas no money.

The envelope had been neatly slit along one end just wide enough to be able to remove and replace the contents by folding it slightly, leaving a slit about half the width of the card.

My poor teerak was so distraught (what with the buffalo’s leg being kept on ice all that time….and ice costing money) she actually accused me of manufacturing the whole thing all the way from Australia.

Of course realising the devastating effect the incident had had on her, I naturally forgave and consoled her with the promise that I would transfer another 5 thousand directly into her bank account.

What I was unable to fathom on my next trip to her village some months later, was why I couldn’t see any signs of stitches or surgery on a very healthy looking buffalo she showed me grazing in her neighbor’s veggie patch across the street from the local wat.

I’ve heard similar stories concerning posted items in and out of Thailand as recently as a couple of weeks ago, so it seems nothing much has changed.

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